08-22-08

PREFACE

I am one of those ridiculous readers who peeks at the last page before I begin a new book. (Hear me out before you judge me!) I am able to enjoy a story more if I know the ending ahead of time, even if it’s sad, it calms my heart.  Before I begin, let me allow you to sneak a peek at the last page… this tremendous journey includes torture, pain, disillusionment, recovery, and ultimately, triumph!

Most people in my little community have tattoos – that’s not unusual. What is unusual is that I have two very close friends with the date August 22 tattooed on their forearms. One is in memory of a beloved Grandmother. It’s a tribute to a godly woman who left a legacy of love. The other is a daily reminder of God’s omnipotence and sovereignty in the midst of tremendous suffering. Both are designed to be seen by others, and both are permanent testimonies to the faithfulness God.

CHAPTER ONE

“Sometimes valleys can be the highest places of all with absolutely no footing to be found.”

August 22, 2008.

Louie’s story, in his own words… “Our family had just returned from a wonderful vacation, the summer was coming to a close, I was about to begin my junior year at CSULB, and I was working at a coffee shop in Signal Hill. I often chose the 5:00 A.M. shift because I enjoyed working in the early mornings, serving the Boeing employees. it was typically a flurry of activity followed by a 90 minute lull. By 5:40 the restaurant was empty and my co-worker and I were  preparing for the next group of patrons when the back door opened and a man in a ski mask and black sweatsuit entered shouting and waving a pistol. It was a surreal moment, I momentarily paused to stare at him. In an instant, I hit the ground, unconscious. I had been cold-cocked.

As I roused (my head bleeding profusely), he shoved the gun in my face and initiated what felt like an eternity of torture. Violent, erratic, impulsive, drug induced shouting coupled with continuous beating with the butt of the pistol. My only recourse was to try to block his repeated shots with my hands, and comply with his commands. Terror had caused my coworker to literally pass out so I was on my own with my tormentor. The cameras were off, the neighborhood was still sleepy, absolutely noone was going to come to my rescue.

Frustrated at my lack of ability to satisfy his demands, he started punching and kicking my coworker until she woke. As I begged him to stop hurting her he held the gun to her head and said, ‘I will kill her!’ In an attempt to appease him, my coworker steadied herself enough to walk to the front of the store and get whatever cash we had in the register. For the first time since the ordeal started, he looked me straight in the eyes, confirmed the bullet in the chamber, cocked the gun, and said, ‘I’m going to shoot you now.’ That was it. I closed my eyes and turned my head. Everything went black.”

CHAPTER TWO 

“In suffering, the trivial is excised, the essential is emphasized.” – Charles Stanley

Outside the realm of Louie’s conscious awareness or ability to fully comprehend, the assailant received a message (via walkie-talkie) to grab the bags of cash and exit the building, immediately! The thief fled in a haste, never to be caught or held accountable for his actions. In dazed confusion, Louie recalls the police arriving with a barrage of questions, followed by a trip to the hospital for a Cat Scan and complete work-up. Dilated pupil, injuries to his face and head, and shock were the immediate concerns of his medical team. Eventually, test results revealed minor injuries, all manageable with no lasting results. Little could Louie know that the emotional injuries he sustained during this profoundly traumatic event would plague his soul, to his very core, over the course of the next handful of years.

CHAPTER THREE

                        “Our wrestling is against the backdrop of an all-powerful God who loved us enough to cast His precious Son into a cauldron of suffering.” – Charles Stanley

PTSD. According to the Mayo Clinic, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares, and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event. Add to this list life-threatening depression, obsessive-compulsive behavior (like compulsively locking doors and windows), and anger and that would be an accurate snapshot of Louie in the months following the attack. He recalls being camped in a pit of despair and felt utterly isolated, not only from the friends and family that loved him so much, but from the God of his childhood faith. Confusion and despair are hideous companions, and he felt tremendous hostility towards His Savior. Apparent abandonment left him bruised and broken. Well-intentioned saints attempted to give simple, “God has a plan” encouragement. Salt on an open wound, the words stung and stripped him of all comfort. It was in 2010 that the rubber met the road. During a moment of despair, Louie told his friend and counselor, “No one loves me”. His response was, “You’re right, no one does.”

CHAPTER FOUR

“Suffering is inevitable, but not permanent.” – Charles Stanley

Counseling was key to his recovery! “My counselor gave me the freedom to grieve instead of trying to fix me. He helped me figure out who I was. He helped me to understand, with fresh eyes, that NO ONE would ever love me the way I was made to be loved. Prior to the attack I had settled for things, cheap imitations – people, success, dating – all these things fell away in the crucible of trauma.” After 18 months of struggle, he reached out to his Savior with a bold  request. “God, show me Your love.” And He did! Louie shares that within 4-6 weeks of the simple plea he was entirely renewed. New attitude, new heart, new personality with an unquenchable desire to love people. He adamantly insists that all of this came as a direct result of asking for it!

EPILOGUE

“No, this is the kind of fasting I want: Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free and remove the chains that bind people.
Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help. Then your salvation will come like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal. Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.” Is. 58:6-8

As August 22 approaches, Louie is a changed man. Loving marriage, a beautiful baby, a wonderful job, a healthy mind… that’s what restoration looks like these days. His tattoo is simply a permanent reminder to “live every day like it’s my last.” His heart’s desire is to hold nothing back! Nothing! Not emotion, not grief, not love, not compassion, not words of mercy and grace! Nothing!

His salvation has come like the dawn and his wounds are healed. He shares his story with a grateful heart, and has utter confidence in the lovingkindness of the God who heard him in the depths of his despair. He is ready to pick up his feet and go!

 Hmm…

• How have difficulties, challenges, and even pain shaped your character and values?
• How are you different today as a result of the problems you’ve had to face in life?
• Can you ever imagine thanking God someday for how suffering has molded you?