SHANIA!

“My personal feeling is that if you are able to survive the climb of life on whatever mountain it is you’ve set out to master, and if in the bit between the base and the peak you learn something from both the good and the bad alike, and if you live to tell about it with gratitude, you’ve succeeded.” -Shania-

If you would have peeked through my front window on any given day during the second half of the 90’s, you would have caught Shania Twain and I doing a duet! As she brilliantly belted out, “…when I cook dinner and I burn it black he’d better say, ‘mmm, I like it like that!'” over my stereo system, I dusted, vacuumed, folded laundry, and anything else that allowed unhindered freedom to be a rock star! I have the sweetest memories of family road trips that included, “Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under” and “Man, I feel Like A Woman”. (Yet another opportunity to judge my parenting!)

One of the sweetest by-products of having a traveling/adventurous family, is that we love to give adventures as gifts!! This year my son, Cody, gifted me with tickets to see Shania in person!! I was thrilled to death at the opportunity to relive some of these most precious moments watching her live! The concert was beyond my expectation. The light show was, quite honestly, second to none, and Shania was delightfully perfect! We experienced the added bonus of having a power outage, in the Staples Center, in the middle of, “That Don’t Impress Me Much” (Not gonna lie, it was impressive!). Because the tour is Shania’s first tour in eleven years and serves as her farewell tour, it was especially sweet!

First tour in ELEVEN years? What? Why? Little did I know that Shania has navigated a tragic and painful path in order arrive at  this moment! For me, life has been busy over the last 15 years, and I’m not usually one to keep up with the lives of the rich and famous. I honestly had no idea of her journey or of the roadblocks, obstacles, and heartaches she has endured. This woman is the singing, dancing, joke-cracking, high-kicking embodiment of, “Feet Up and Go”!

Her story includes grinding poverty of her rural childhood; her devastating loss, at 22, of both parents in a car crash; the profound illness that threatened to silence her singing voice; and the betrayal that broke her heart — when her husband/manager ran off with her best friend.

I’d like to share a bit of her story in her own words as told to “Nightline” anchor, Cynthia McFadden…

Twain’s breakout album, “Come On Over,” released in 1997, was a joint project with music producer Robert “Mutt” Lange, 62. The couple produced many songs together in the years to come and eventually fell in love and married. For Twain, it was practically love at first sight.

 But with her punishing tour and studio schedules, Twain said she eventually began to sense that something was wrong with her marriage around the time of her 2004 “Up” tour.

“When I started to get lonely, then I knew that something wasn’t right,” she said. “I’m married to someone I love, and I’m so lonely…I didn’t want to live that way.”

Twain said she began confiding heavily in her close friend, Marie-Anne Thiebaud. They were friends for years until Twain confronted Thiebaud and Lange about having an affair, which she said would ultimately end Twain and Lange’s 14-year marriage. She divorced Lange in 2009. (Both Lange and Thiebaud have publicly denied the affair ever happened.)

“I was angry at Mutt for not listening to me and not answering my questions, more than the affair itself,” she said.

Since learning of Lange’s alleged betrayal, the five-time Grammy winner said she has developed dysphonia, a physical and physiological ailment that wouldn’t allow her to sing properly.

“The muscles literally constrict the voice box and prevent air from flowing properly,” Twain said. “You don’t get any volume, which is not very good for a singer. It’s got nothing to do with the vocal chords, the voice was perfectly fine,” she continued. “I would say the envelope around the vocal chords was restricting, and not allowing the vocal chords to do their job. It’s hard to explain, when you have an impairment in the voice-box area, it affects you psychologically — you get gun-shy: ‘Can I go for that note, that sound?’ It’s a vicious cycle.”

Talking about it now has become a large part of her road to recovery. Forcing herself to do things that are difficult, taking herself out of her comfort zone, facing her anxieties, and just getting more comfortable with her fears have provided the healing that she never thought possible.

There is obviously much more to this story, but, the bottom line is that Shania has chosen to pick her feet up and go even though retreating into a world of hurt and self pity could very well have claimed her future! I honestly have no clue about Shania’s (private) spiritual convictions, but I am convinced that the God who created her, loves her and has sustained her in her darkest hours. I know this because He alone has proven faithful time and time again in my own life and in the lives of so many broken hearts that I’ve loved and prayed with.

When circumstances threaten to overwhelm us, constricting our “voice”, He continually reassures us with His tender words…

Psalm 40:3

He has put a new song in my mouth, even praise to our God; many will see it, and fear, and will trust in the Lord.

Hmmm…

What has silenced your voice and caused you to withdraw in fear?

How many years has it been since you were “on tour”? (Using your gifts to their full potential?)

What practical, bold steps is God calling you to do to today to begin the road to healing?

08-22-08

PREFACE

I am one of those ridiculous readers who peeks at the last page before I begin a new book. (Hear me out before you judge me!) I am able to enjoy a story more if I know the ending ahead of time, even if it’s sad, it calms my heart.  Before I begin, let me allow you to sneak a peek at the last page… this tremendous journey includes torture, pain, disillusionment, recovery, and ultimately, triumph!

Most people in my little community have tattoos – that’s not unusual. What is unusual is that I have two very close friends with the date August 22 tattooed on their forearms. One is in memory of a beloved Grandmother. It’s a tribute to a godly woman who left a legacy of love. The other is a daily reminder of God’s omnipotence and sovereignty in the midst of tremendous suffering. Both are designed to be seen by others, and both are permanent testimonies to the faithfulness God.

CHAPTER ONE

“Sometimes valleys can be the highest places of all with absolutely no footing to be found.”

August 22, 2008.

Louie’s story, in his own words… “Our family had just returned from a wonderful vacation, the summer was coming to a close, I was about to begin my junior year at CSULB, and I was working at a coffee shop in Signal Hill. I often chose the 5:00 A.M. shift because I enjoyed working in the early mornings, serving the Boeing employees. it was typically a flurry of activity followed by a 90 minute lull. By 5:40 the restaurant was empty and my co-worker and I were  preparing for the next group of patrons when the back door opened and a man in a ski mask and black sweatsuit entered shouting and waving a pistol. It was a surreal moment, I momentarily paused to stare at him. In an instant, I hit the ground, unconscious. I had been cold-cocked.

As I roused (my head bleeding profusely), he shoved the gun in my face and initiated what felt like an eternity of torture. Violent, erratic, impulsive, drug induced shouting coupled with continuous beating with the butt of the pistol. My only recourse was to try to block his repeated shots with my hands, and comply with his commands. Terror had caused my coworker to literally pass out so I was on my own with my tormentor. The cameras were off, the neighborhood was still sleepy, absolutely noone was going to come to my rescue.

Frustrated at my lack of ability to satisfy his demands, he started punching and kicking my coworker until she woke. As I begged him to stop hurting her he held the gun to her head and said, ‘I will kill her!’ In an attempt to appease him, my coworker steadied herself enough to walk to the front of the store and get whatever cash we had in the register. For the first time since the ordeal started, he looked me straight in the eyes, confirmed the bullet in the chamber, cocked the gun, and said, ‘I’m going to shoot you now.’ That was it. I closed my eyes and turned my head. Everything went black.”

CHAPTER TWO 

“In suffering, the trivial is excised, the essential is emphasized.” – Charles Stanley

Outside the realm of Louie’s conscious awareness or ability to fully comprehend, the assailant received a message (via walkie-talkie) to grab the bags of cash and exit the building, immediately! The thief fled in a haste, never to be caught or held accountable for his actions. In dazed confusion, Louie recalls the police arriving with a barrage of questions, followed by a trip to the hospital for a Cat Scan and complete work-up. Dilated pupil, injuries to his face and head, and shock were the immediate concerns of his medical team. Eventually, test results revealed minor injuries, all manageable with no lasting results. Little could Louie know that the emotional injuries he sustained during this profoundly traumatic event would plague his soul, to his very core, over the course of the next handful of years.

CHAPTER THREE

                        “Our wrestling is against the backdrop of an all-powerful God who loved us enough to cast His precious Son into a cauldron of suffering.” – Charles Stanley

PTSD. According to the Mayo Clinic, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares, and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event. Add to this list life-threatening depression, obsessive-compulsive behavior (like compulsively locking doors and windows), and anger and that would be an accurate snapshot of Louie in the months following the attack. He recalls being camped in a pit of despair and felt utterly isolated, not only from the friends and family that loved him so much, but from the God of his childhood faith. Confusion and despair are hideous companions, and he felt tremendous hostility towards His Savior. Apparent abandonment left him bruised and broken. Well-intentioned saints attempted to give simple, “God has a plan” encouragement. Salt on an open wound, the words stung and stripped him of all comfort. It was in 2010 that the rubber met the road. During a moment of despair, Louie told his friend and counselor, “No one loves me”. His response was, “You’re right, no one does.”

CHAPTER FOUR

“Suffering is inevitable, but not permanent.” – Charles Stanley

Counseling was key to his recovery! “My counselor gave me the freedom to grieve instead of trying to fix me. He helped me figure out who I was. He helped me to understand, with fresh eyes, that NO ONE would ever love me the way I was made to be loved. Prior to the attack I had settled for things, cheap imitations – people, success, dating – all these things fell away in the crucible of trauma.” After 18 months of struggle, he reached out to his Savior with a bold  request. “God, show me Your love.” And He did! Louie shares that within 4-6 weeks of the simple plea he was entirely renewed. New attitude, new heart, new personality with an unquenchable desire to love people. He adamantly insists that all of this came as a direct result of asking for it!

EPILOGUE

“No, this is the kind of fasting I want: Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free and remove the chains that bind people.
Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help. Then your salvation will come like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal. Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.” Is. 58:6-8

As August 22 approaches, Louie is a changed man. Loving marriage, a beautiful baby, a wonderful job, a healthy mind… that’s what restoration looks like these days. His tattoo is simply a permanent reminder to “live every day like it’s my last.” His heart’s desire is to hold nothing back! Nothing! Not emotion, not grief, not love, not compassion, not words of mercy and grace! Nothing!

His salvation has come like the dawn and his wounds are healed. He shares his story with a grateful heart, and has utter confidence in the lovingkindness of the God who heard him in the depths of his despair. He is ready to pick up his feet and go!

 Hmm…

• How have difficulties, challenges, and even pain shaped your character and values?
• How are you different today as a result of the problems you’ve had to face in life?
• Can you ever imagine thanking God someday for how suffering has molded you?

Gripping The Dirt!

‘Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’                                                                                            Isaiah. 41:10

FEAR – lit. “sudden attack,” A feeling of anxiety and agitation caused by the perceived presence or nearness of danger, evil or pain. To feel frightened, timid, apprehension, terror, or dread. (Webster’s Dictionary)

One of the great blessings in my life is being a middle school science teacher. If you’ve ever seen the children’s show, The Magic School Bus, you’re familiar with the character of Ms. Frizzle – I am a living replica (complete with ridiculous earrings, t-shirts, etc…)  There are few adventures that bring me more joy than hitting the road with my students – walking, driving, boating, flying… I LOVE FIELD TRIPS!! 🙂 I love the real life, hands-on learning that getting out of my classroom provides. I especially enjoy watching my students interact with each other, explore new ideas, develop a sense of wonder, and, occasionally, step out of their comfort zone (my actual favorite). I have had the privilege of accompanying thousands of teenagers on hundreds of  field trips, but one day in particular stands out among the rest.

Griffith Park Observatory. Just saying those words fills me with wonder and delight. High atop a peak in the Hollywood Hills stands this literal beacon of educational illumination. The drive through Griffith Park is glorious and the assent to the Observatory is mesmerizing – I never tire of it!

One of the requirements on my field trips is B.Y.O.L. (bring your own lunch). I understand that nothing distracts from learning like the pangs of hunger so I make certain that our first stop is to fill their bellies. Griffith Park has a lovely picnic area that requires a smidge of a hike. Nestled at the end of a broad path is a hidden grove of picnic benches, climbing rocks,               and little “mini hikes” for the quick eaters.

Enter Lucas (not his real name :0). Picture a small framed, anxious little 12 year old with unruly hair, extra large framed glasses, and an enormous Minecraft backpack filled to the brim with food, beverages, inhaler, jacket, and camera. Because he chose to snack on the drive up, his backpack was unzipped. Lucas struggles with fear, primarily of heights, and he was well aware of the drop off as he rode “shotgun” in his chaperone’s car. When his car arrived, the students piled out and headed up the path to join the group. As I lead Lucas to the “trailhead” he took one look at his soundings and, in an instant, (quicker than I could have imagined possible) he HIT THE DIRT… LITERALLY! He face planted! The entire contents of his backpack went flying in all directions as his outstretched hands proceeded to frantically grip the dirt! Once the dust settled, I got him to his terrified feet, picked the pine needles out of his hair, patted the dirt off of his clothing, and collected his belongings. I was shocked, he was too! The level of fear that gripped his entire being blind-sided him leaving him desperately grasping handfuls of dirt.

Angst, the German word for fear, had unsettled his timid heart on the drive up and manifested itself the second he stepped on to the path. He was completely safe, nowhere near an edge of any kind, but the apprehension that festered inside of him like a blister suddenly “popped” leaving him terrified, face down, struggling to hold tight to loose dirt!!

I have gripped the dirt far too often in my life. I have face-planted in fear and allowed my joy, my peace, my faith to go flying! I like predictability, so when circumstances sweep my feet out from under me, I am embarrassingly quick find myself grasping the ground. Why do I prefer to cough up dust and pick gravel out of my teeth? Because (quicker than I could have imagined possible) I forget that HE is trustworthy! My solid ground. HE alone is predictable and certain.

“Do not fear” is not a suggestion. “Do not anxiously look about you” is not an option.They are spiritual mandates for a healthy walk. The only way to develop radical faith is to start right where we are, at the trailhead of our journey. We must passionately pursue our God who is faithful to shore up fearful feet, able to dust off the soil of worry and anxiety, help us collect our joy and peace, and diligent to renew our faith so we can pick our feet up and go!

F.E.A.R. – Forget Everything And RUN! (to Jesus!)

Hmmm…

• What causes you to fear?
• How do you react in times of real fear?
• Fight, flight, or FAITH?

Carpe Vita! (Seize the Life!)

 “I came that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” John 10:10

At 7lb. 7oz she entered the world on Aug. 4th with an unassuming exuberance that would define her life. In the 48 hours that followed her birth she encountered her first hiccup and needed a handful of days in the NICU to gain her footing. And gain her footing she did, with a vengeance! She taught us immediately that strength and determination would be her platform positions, while genuine love and compassion would allow her to weave a magnificent masterpiece.

Our daughter, Kimberly, is the definition of “Feet Up and Go”. Creative, hardworking determination has driven her to make bold moves. Some move, like volunteering in Buenos Aires, Argentina for a season, have required more stamina than she anticipated, but, failure was never an option! Holding fear at bay, she learned to immerse herself in the culture, establish a community of friendships quickly, respond positively to unexpected opportunities for adventure, and, most importantly, rely on her Heavenly Father to be her constant companion.

In the summer of 2012 Kimberly picked her feet up again and literally took off… to New York! No job, no place to live, no actual plan. However, she had two critical things in her corner. The first was a grand spirit of adventure, and the second was a wonderful best friend who was willing to do the same!

One month later Hurricane Sandy roared down the eastern seaboard followed by two of the most brutal consecutive winters in recent history. During such harsh conditions, jobs were difficult to find, friendships took time to develop, and finances were snug (to say the least). But these two little adventures kept their feet off the ground and refused to slow their momentum.

Three years later, New York is temporarily her home. After spending a glorious 11 days with her my heart is overwhelmed with God’s faithfulness! The very lessons developed in the crucible of Argentina have manifested themselves in New York exponentially.

She has learned to immerse herself in this very unique, metro-riding, activity-driven culture. She has established an enviable community of friendships that extends way beyond the boundaries of faiths, gender, nationalities, and common interests. New York is filled to the brim with opportunities, options, and adventure. Kimberly has chosen, again, to quiet her fears and literally leap out of her comfort zone. She has added a wealth of wonderful experiences to her already full dance card with no end in sight!

Finally, this girl trusts God with her whole heart, day in and day out! She looks to Him for guidance when she’s at an impasse. She has learned to “Love God, Love others” with her entire being. She exhibits CARPE VITA to the hilt.

Kimberly’s future is unclear, but that’s just the way she wants it! Her feet are up and she’s going strong in this particular direction but she remains open and anxious for whatever is next on her horizon. What a wonderfully ABUNDANT way to live! What a glorious opportunity to allow the Holy Spirit to do His work through her! May I learn from her example and break out of my structured, rule-driven life. May I immerse myself in the culture around me, establish and maintain genuine friendships, be open, to new adventures, and, above all, trust in my magnificent Creator to be my constant companion! May I continuously be reminded to pick my feet up and GO!!

“Risk, fear, and FAITH are the common denominators of those who God finds great delight in and chooses to use mightily.”                                                                                                                                                             -Chip Ingrim, Holy Ambition

Hmmm…

Kimberly’s Words of Wisdom…

• Be intentional at being bad at NOT making friends!
• Embrace the idea that “You can’t fire the treat lady” 🙂
• Above all… Love God, Love others, Period!